Why We Forget
One of the most common things I hear from women is:
"There are large chunks of my childhood I just can’t remember. It’s like blackouts. And it makes me feel like something is wrong with me."
So many of my clients share this experience. Entire seasons of their childhood are blank, and the absence of memory can feel even more unsettling than the memory itself.
And often, in the very same breath, they’ll add: “But I had a great childhood.”
This contradiction creates confusion and shame. Because if everything was “fine,” why are they sitting here today, struggling with triggers, self-doubt, over-functioning/under-functioning, persisting feelings of stuckness or relationship patterns they can’t seem to escape?
Why am I here? How did I get to this place? Why do I react the way I do?
Forgetting Is Not Failure
The truth is, forgetting is not evidence that something is wrong with you. Forgetting is protection and an adaptation to keep us safe. Our nervous system - brilliant in its design - tucks away experiences that were too overwhelming for our younger selves to hold.
So while the story might feel like it’s missing, the impact of the story is still present. The shadows of our inner child live in the body, showing up in the here and now.
The Present Always Speaks
Even without clear memories, the past is alive in how we move through the present:
The Invisible Child who hides her feelings in adulthood to avoid rejection.
The Overachiever who keeps pushing because “not enough” still hums beneath the surface.
The Caretaker who exhausts herself meeting everyone else’s needs before her own.
In my Inner Child Archetypes work, I’ve seen again and again that memory loss doesn’t stop the inner child from shaping our lives. She shows up in the roles we unconsciously play, in the beliefs we carry, and in the ways we protect ourselves - often at great cost.
The Gentle Beginning of Healing
The journey is not about forcing recall or shaming ourselves for forgetting. It begins with curiosity about what is happening now. Our reactions, choices, and patterns are maps back to the child within.
When we mother ourselves through our present-day experiences, we create the safety our system longed for. And sometimes, in that safety, memory returns. Other times, it doesn’t - and that’s okay. Either way, healing is happening.
What’s important to remember is: You are not broken for forgetting.
You are not lost because there are blank spaces in your story.
Your body remembers, your inner child remembers, and that is enough to begin the work.
This is the first doorway into Mothering the Wound: coming home to yourself, even when memory feels like it has abandoned you.